If Roach could talk, what do you suppose she'd say?
[It's been a long while since Jaskier's done this.]
[It was infinitely more commonplace early on, decades ago when Jaskier was prone to finding prolonged silences with Geralt uncomfortable. Not that silence was ever all that often present with Jaskier around given the amount he spoke, moving from one topic to the next seamlessly as though each topic were so clearly related to whatever point it was he was trying to make originally. (Assuming, of course, there had ever really been a point.) But Jaskier's confidence back then had been not exactly disingenuous so much as he was well-aware just how unearned it was, making it feel a fragile thing. And silence? Oh, silence was a death knell to a bard! It always meant he wasn't funny or charming enough. He being the bard in question, of course. Not Jaskier. But the silence from Geralt had always been deafening, and he would say whatever stupid, foolish thing would come to mind to try and get some sort of response out of it.]
[Before long though, Jaskier got used to Geralt's silences and what minimal contributions he made to conversation. It stopped feeling as though Geralt weren't interested or (always) annoyed, but rather his tolerance of conversation became more apparent when he rarely told Jaskier to shut up. And even then, most of the time he was told to shut up was because Geralt was trying to hear something and make sure neither one of them ended up dead.]
[So, these silly questions really only ever came about when Jaskier couldn't sleep as a way to kill the time or at times like this when he could tell something was occupying Geralt's mind. Even as Jaskier was staring up at the ceiling of Geralt's room, pretending he could see familiar constellations instead, from where he's reclined on Geralt's bed, he can tell without even looking at him that the witcher is preoccupied. And he can hazard a guess what. But since that particular woman is probably not a topic of conversation Geralt would likely want to talk about. So, the other missing one in his life seems to Jaskier to be a far safer topic of conversation.]
[So, he asks his silly question as a little distraction and to hopefully bring Geralt back out of his head.]
[Jaskier has an amazing sense of timing. Whether or not it's good or bad timing remains to be seen, but it's definitely fucking timing.
Geralt is in a mood when Jaskier asks, throwing himself into the trivial tasks of maintaining his gear just to keep his hands busy. Oiling leather and cleaning tack doesn't do anything to keep him out of his head, though, and he's been... dwelling. A little. For lack of a better word.
On Yennefer, because who else could it be.
When Jaskier breaks the silence to ask that question, Geralt pauses his work and lifts his gaze slowly, looking at Jaskier with an expression of surprise and recognition. It's not Geralt's friendliest expression, though that's not actually Jaskier's fault.]
I imagine she'd ask for apples.
[Laconic. Horses aren't good conversationalists because of their dizzying intellect.]
[Jaskier clicks his tongue when he turns his head finally to look over at Geralt, clearly disapproving of such an answer. Gods only know why Jaskier was hoping for a bit more imagination from Geralt about the sort of topics of conversation that would interest Roach, but the man probably speaks more to her than he does any other living creature! At the very least, Jaskier anticipated some thinly veiled complaint about his habits that he's already quite aware Geralt tolerates.]
No, she absolutely would not. Not unless you mistreat the poor thing. [Or especially if Jaskier wasn't around rather than any sort of mistreatment. Even if such bribes aren't necessary anymore, Jaskier can't really help himself. When caught, he always blames it on her big, sweet eyes or pretends the apple was going to go to waste after he realized he wasn't actually hungry after one bite.] She shouldn't have to ask for apples, Geralt.
[Shaking his head, Jaskier looks back up at the ceiling.]
No, I think she'd complain I don't mention her enough in my ballads. After all the tireless work she puts in and you get to steal all the glory... [He grins over at Geralt because he knows full well Geralt wouldn't mind it if Jaskier even once just spun it as though the horse were the hero. Even if the song would end up more ridiculous and over-the-top than some of Jaskier's more bombastic tunes about Geralt, it wouldn't be about him and that would be enough.] But that's just the ballads everyone else gets to hear. I've plenty of songs for dear Roach that's only for her and me to enjoy.
Horses aren't terribly complicated. They're better company than most people, and better judges of character, but if they could speak they'd ask for apples and oats and for you to scratch the place behind their cheek they can't reach themselves. [That might be part of their appeal. Horses are simple and honest that way. Their motivations are easy to read, and their needs are easy to fill. There's no mistaking his affection in that answer.
He pauses then, leveling Jaskier with a particularly skeptical look.]
You expect me to believe you sing songs about Roach when you're on your own?
[He does not, in fact believe it. He does think that Jaskier is trying to get on his good side by complimenting his horse, though.
There are worse tactics.
But the look he gives makes it very clear he doesn't believe Jaskier is humming about the color of Roach's eyes or mane when he's in the bath.]
[Jaskier rolls over onto his side then to better face Geralt.]
Is that doubt I'm hearing, good sir? [Jaskier's offense at the implicit accusation of lying is entirely feigned. One could almost say it's far too exaggerated to be realistic, but that's hardly the tell. Realistically, it's the lack of sputtering and Jaskier's continued decision to remain reclined, his motions with his hand languid as he speaks.] You would accuse me of all people to make a false claim over the nature of my work when you know there are none who value it near as much! Especially not in this room...
[He shakes his head a little.]
Geralt, Roach may be a very simple creature, but so are many of the subjects of my work. [Zing!] Why should she be an exception?
[Jaskier raises an eyebrow, quietly scoffing at the accusation of what criteria it takes to be the subject of his songs but not outright disputing it. Foolish as he is, Jaskier knows when he has very little ground to stand upon.]
But are you saying she isn't deserving of an exception? Because I am absolutely telling her the next time I see her if that's the case. Then we'll see who she likes best. The very nice bard, [he says, gesturing to himself,] who sings pretty songs about her and braids beautiful flowers into her mane and gives her all her favorite apples, or the grumpy and often smelly witcher, [he says with a gesture in Geralt's direction,] who talks her poor, delicate ears off all the time when he's not constantly sitting on her back and making her lug things around.
It's alright, Geralt, [he says, rolling onto his back once more with a dismissive wave of his hand.] You can admit you're jealous that I'm Roach's favorite. There's no shame in it.
[With how little Geralt seemed to rise to the earlier bait, Jaskier doesn't anticipate him to rise to this one either. The man is near-impossible to rile up, after all. But having to decide whether or not to get into this back-and-forth with Jaskier is likely a lot better than dwelling on the thoughts that have driven him to spending an inordinate amount of time on maintaining his gear as of late. So, Jaskier's perfectly content to make himself a mildly irritating distraction.]
[Geralt leans back, leaving his gear on the table for the moment. He doesn't rush to fill the silence that follows, studying Jaskier's face. The question about why they're having this conversation crosses his mind again, this time maybe a little less bitter.
Paying a little more attention to this and less to his own thoughts of Yennefer.
His mouth tightens briefly.
He lets the quiet stretch longer, his jaw tight, before finally he says:]
[Jaskier looks at Geralt with mock suspicion before heaving a very put-upon sigh, as though not delighting in the opportunity to sing in the first place.]
Fine, fine, fine, [he says, pushing himself to sit up.] You can have one song. But you had best not tell Roach or I'm going to be spending the last of all my coin on every apple on the Continent to make up for it.
[He says that very seriously and as though the mare would have a strong opinion one way or another, and he's not about to entertain any notion or suggestion from Geralt otherwise. Jaskier doesn't leave much room for argument anyway because true to his word, he gives Geralt a song about Roach.]
[Rapping his knuckles against the headboard behind him, Jaskier sets out a playful rhythm that mimics the sound of a bouncy trot. He personally thinks it would sound better layered with other instruments, but he is one person and that does place some limitations on any rendition of the song. Not that he thinks Geralt will particularly care. It probably wouldn't even occur to him that the song would sound better accompanied by more than just its percussive element even if that was the most important.]
[The song's words are nothing overly complicated. It's more on-par with a song meant to entertain children than a roomful of (likely very) drunk adults with its simplicity, but it's also quite clearly not a song that Jaskier spent a great deal of time tinkering with until he got it just right. It actually becomes quite clear how this song came into being fairly quickly once he starts to sing. He speaks of Roach's virtues as a horse, not aggrandizing or otherwise exaggerating her into some sort of magical, mythical being. She is still plainly very much just a horse. But it's not just that she is a good travel companion, obedient and loyal as much as a horse can be. Oh no. It's that she puts up with Geralt of Rivia that makes her the most incredible horse because at least Jaskier gets guaranteed breaks during the winter.]
[Geralt's part in the song is very short—because it is a song about Roach, thank you very much—but it's quite obvious when Jaskier wrote this, Geralt had likely done something to rile the bard up and brought about the song. And yet, it's nothing altogether mean-spirited. There isn't a bite behind the words with an intent to hurt or otherwise humiliate like the songs that came after Caingorn. What few lines there are about Geralt are only the sort someone could write out of fond annoyance. A gentle ribbing pointing out that Geralt is, in fact, just as irritating in his own way only instead of it being Jaskier that's annoyed with him, it's Roach.]
[And it's Roach who puts up with him anyway and remains so loyal and so obedient, as much as a horse can be. Hence, she is the unsung hero between the pair.]
[Jaskier caps the song off with a small dramatic flourish of using both his hands to rap on the headboard for the end.]
Well? [He grins at Geralt, visibly quite pleased with himself.] Should I ask for three words or less, or three nickers or less? Roach gave it a rave review the first time I sang it for her.
[That's decidedly more than three words, isn't it? Geralt huffs a little. He can imagine easily the general timeline. It couldn't be too early in Jaskier and Geralt's association; it had taken the bard a while to work up to that level of flippant disrespect. It can't be too late, or else... well. It would be too late.
He's not stung, especially. But he does wonder vaguely what the incitement might have been.]
I assume Roach was your only audience.
[Jaskier has standards. Whatever Geralt might think about the fiction he makes out of real life, Jaskier wouldn't share something with an audience that didn't meet his standards.]
[Jaskier gives a little shrug to the first question. In truth, he couldn't exactly pin down when he wrote and sang it for the first time any better than Geralt could. Whatever Geralt did at the time had been irritating enough that he felt the urge to get a little mouthy with his lyrics, clearly, but not enough for Jaskier to actually remember after all this time. Besides, the song was one he returned to any time something very trivial occurred and Jaskier found himself a touch annoyed with the witcher as a consequence. It always had the effect of putting him in a better mood and softening his irritation.]
Well, of course. It's always been just a song for her. Which is why you absolutely can never breathe a word to her about hearing it! I'm certain she'd be quite upset since that's always been our special song.
[Roach was apparently the only one of them too good for this place. And in that, Geralt can't even say Hell is wrong. Roach is too good for it. Too good for him. She's only ever been a horse, and she's done everything a man can reasonably ask a horse to do.
There's no need to drag her into their nonsense.
In his heart, Geralt likes to believe she's above all of this. Finds all of their petty dramas both boring and confusing.]
What you tell her when I'm not there is between you and her.
[Jaskier asks the question as though it was the most scandalizing thing he'd ever heard in his life. It, of course, was not. Not even by a long-shot with some of the rumors and whispers he's caught when drifting in and out of certain social circles. But he still treats it as the most surprising and incredulous thing. At least, for that briefest and barest of moments. Jaskier appears to recover quite quickly from it as he offers no space for Geralt to respond.]
You needn't worry, Geralt! [he says with a laugh, waving a dismissive hand as he adjusts back down into his previous position of reclining on the bed.] You are and shall forever remain my best friend! Your dear, beloved Roach has nary a hope of replacing you. Even if she does provide better conversation than you at times, I still prefer your company to hers.
[Jaskier rolls over onto his side to face Geralt again.]
Now, are you quite through fiddling with your gear? I am feeling quite exhausted after that song and there is no way I can possibly sleep with you making all that racket.
[Never mind that Geralt could probably tend to his gear so quietly not even a creature with hearing even sharper than Geralt's would likely find him at work. Also never mind that this isn't even Jaskier's room or bed, and if he were that determined for a nap, he could go elsewhere for it easily. But none of that is the point. It's even questionable how much Jaskier would like to nap because it is so far-removed from the point. The point is that whether Geralt ultimately chooses to grouse about Jaskier being difficult or not doesn't matter. It's that he has to consider it at all. Jaskier's goal of getting Geralt's mind off Yennefer for a little while simply has not changed.]
[Geralt looks up from his gear, his expression half baffled and half irritated at the suggestion. Jealous? Of what? And who?
Why?
He shoves one knife back in its sheath with more force than strictly necessary as he drags his gaze back down to his equipment. With a grunt, he starts clearing the space.
Well, I would like to think you'd sooner be jealous over who I keep as friends than your horse, [Jaskier says, wrinkling his nose.] But perhaps that's just wishful thinking.
[He frowns then, although not truly offended or actually speculating either way that Geralt is even remotely jealous. Jaskier's hardly ever known the man to be particularly possessive under most circumstances, never mind jealous. But if his huffy little putting away of his knife was any indication, the silly accusation of it is at least shaking him out of that silent brooding mood he's been trapped in.]
Don't tell me you're actually jealous of your horse favoring someone over you because, Geralt... [He shakes his head a little as he trails off.] You have got to start making more friends if you're more upset about a horse like that. I mean, it's one thing to talk to her as often as you do, it's another to be jealous like that.
I'm not jealous of Roach. I'm not jealous of anyone.
[Geralt's lip almost curled as he denied it again. Roach was a horse, and even if she weren't, jealousy isn't so much in Geralt's nature.
But other things are. Frustration is, and his frustration spills over into his tone and his expression. It knots his jaw. Not Roach, but another woman, one whose mood and attention have always been far more fickle.
Which isn't Jaskier's fault. If Yennefer prefers the bard's company to his own, then so be it.
No, it's not jealousy...]
I just wish if she's going to have a problem with me, she'd say something instead of leaving me to guess what I've done to offend her sensibilities or her ego this time.
[Jaskier catches it before it can be more than a slight and momentary twist of his lips, but he does come quite close to a muttered fuck as the topic of conversation lands so squarely upon Yennefer. Jaskier perhaps should have known that it would end up here eventually regardless of his efforts. Not that he's opposed to Geralt talking about it, of course! If anything, he feels quite the opposite about the matter and if Geralt could consider not sitting on every single feeling that occurs to him, he might be a little less prone to being such a grump at nearly all times. But it's a conversation that should be had with Yennefer. Not Jaskier. And certainly not about this when Jaskier has been sitting on this knowledge literally since the day he arrived in Hell, only continuing to guard it even more closely since Yennefer finally knew as well by feigning ignorance about her avoidance of Geralt.]
[Fucking fuck, he was not prepared for this conversation.]
[Unfortunately, Jaskier can't just worm his way out of the conversation by pretending to be suddenly very asleep. Not that that would work. Geralt can easily hear Jaskier's heartbeat and breathing and know immediately he wasn't really asleep.]
I don't suppose it's ever occurred to you that you haven't done anything, has it? [With a heavy sigh, Jaskier pushes himself upright, swinging his legs around to rest on the floor and sit more properly on the edge of the bed.] I mean, really, Geralt, it's Yennefer. She could look to the sky, find the shape of a cloud disagreeable and decide to make that a problem for the first person she sees.
[Well, not exactly and it's certainly not what's happening here, but Jaskier's broader point is that Yennefer has her own thoughts and reasons that don't always have a linear correlation or make much sense to anyone but herself. And he just hopes Geralt agrees with that point enough not to challenge it much if at all.]
You can trust her, Geralt. Trust the two of you.
[Jaskier pauses there a moment, fixing Geralt with a serious look. Much as he's about to bury the lede a bit by dressing it up in a semi-hyperbolic, semi-realistic portrayal of their patterns that there's really little hope of having it truly replicate when the time comes, Jaskier still wants to emphasize that Geralt's not misplacing his trust. He'd like to think that might ease Geralt's mind a little, but it's probably just as much of a long shot as having Jaskier's words now soften the blow later.]
When she's in a mood and ready, I'm sure she'll give you a litany of things you need to improve upon and you'll get all defensive and go on about how she doesn't let you in or help and then she'll protest she doesn't need help and then once things are heated enough, you two will,— Ah, talk, and that will be that. [He waves a hand dismissively, treating it as though it were all so predictable if not outright boring.] Just like always. And then in a handful of months, we'll be right here again with you stewing and brooding over how difficult she's being and she'll find some new reason to be cross with you, and thus, the cycle repeats itself anew.
And I will continually ask if you're absolutely certain if a really strong bump on the head isn't the explanation for why you keep eagerly jumping straight into this cycle in the first place.
[In some ways, it is simple. Or at the very least, it is predictable. Yennefer can be volatile, and while Geralt usually isn't, she has a way of pulling that side out of him more. It doesn't take a master of the human condition to know that the two of them will cause sparks periodically.
Still.]
It's different. Yennefer always has her reasons, even if they're usually shit reasons.
[Is that fair? Probably not. He knows it when he says it. He knew it before he said it.]
At least if she'd tell me, there might be something I could do about it.
[There isn't any argument from Jaskier when Geralt calls Yennefer's reasons usually shit. As far as Jaskier's concerned, there really isn't much argument that can be made to the contrary of that given Yennefer's...everything. One does not tend to make as many poor choices as she does without there being some element or degree to which there's faulty reasoning behind it. Although that is still quite unfair and even Jaskier recognizes that. She has been doing better. She's been trying.]
Ah! See? [Jaskier says, pointing a finger at Geralt with a grin.] She's not even here telling you whatever absurd thing you did wrong by her measure and you're already grousing about how she doesn't let you help.
[With a wave of his hand, Jaskier drops it back down into his lap and folds his hands together. His smile fades into something quieter and a little more serious as well.]
Unfortunately for you though, Geralt, you love someone who, while quite adept at putting herself into positions wherein she's distressed, doesn't do the other bit of damsel-in-distress all that well. [Jaskier doesn't say it as though that's the right thing for Yennefer to be doing any more than his tone would suggest Geralt needs to let it go and learn to accept it. It's an observation. Nothing more, nothing less. His smile turns a bit wry as he glances away from Geralt.] But you know, it does remind me of something I heard a long time ago. The details escape me now, but I seem to recall a certain witcher claiming he never wanted to need anyone. Or anyone to need him.
[Jaskier lifts his gaze back to Geralt.]
Seems it just takes a bit of time and the right person, doesn't it? [One corner of his mouth lifts, widening his smile to try and keep it from becoming brittle.] I'd say she's got the latter. She just needs a bit more of the former.
[Geralt can't quite start to point out where Jaskier is wrong, because the fact of the matter is that he's not quite wrong. He's not quite right, either. Not from Geralt's point of view. The summary is flippant and hyperbolic, but that describes most of Jaskier's communication style and picking that apart would be both a waste of time and, on some level, unfair. He can't correct Jaskier for telling the truth as he sees it in his own particular way.
But that doesn't make it right.
It also doesn't mean Geralt likes hearing it. He licks his teeth, sitting in his feelings for what seems like a long moment in the way someone might sit in wet clothes after coming out of the rain—somewhat aware that his discomfort is his own choice.]
She could ask for time herself, if it's what she needs. She could at least tell me.
[Jaskier snorts at the suggestion Yennefer would use her words to indicate she wants some space. Of course, that would be the ideal, but the odds of something like that ever happening are about the same Jaskier ever becoming particularly useful in a fight. If that happens, there's a great cause for concern. Although it's also not like he hadn't somewhat mildly encouraged Yennefer to do as much before she simply disappeared from Geralt's life as she has. Jaskier had a feeling it wouldn't land well even if the intention was not particularly malicious.]
Well then, perhaps you could try thinking of this as her telling you she needs time. You know, just in her own Yennefer-y way instead of talking it out like a normal person because if she ever did anything simple or straightforward, that would be the time to panic for all of us because surely life as we know it is coming to an abrupt end soon thereafter.
[When Jaskier points out that a normal person would talk things out, Geralt's lip curls slightly. Yen has never been normal, but then neither has he.
He doesn't exactly have the moral high ground in this—a fact which didn't particularly bother him until he had to verbalize the problem. Out loud, it sounded more petty than it had in his head.
He's not entirely above it, but he doesn't relish the sensation either.]
I don't expect her to talk it out.
[How many problems does talking actually solve anyway? Not maybe in Geralt's experience.
[A more mature person probably wouldn't snigger at that, but Jaskier isn't always (or often, for that matter) a mature person. He doesn't mean to make light of Geralt's frustration or hurt—he would never do that intentionally—but this is about as close to a sulk as he's ever seen the witcher come to doing and there is something a little funny about it. A man who is as serious as the grave be to be almost pouting like a child (in his own, grumbly way) is something it's hard not to see a little humor in.]
Gods, you are in a sulk, aren't you? [He huffs another laugh as he looks down. Jaskier sighs then, moistening his lips a moment before looking back up at his friend, his expression not unkind but certainly more serious. His tone is gentle as it often is when Jaskier is offering and extending his advice, but there's also something firmer about it than Geralt is likely used to hearing.] Look, Geralt. I know you love her more than you love anyone else. And that's why you're sitting here stewing in it. And I know it's tying you up in knots because you want to make it right. You're willing to do whatever it takes to protect her and do right by her. And she knows that, Geralt. She knows all of that.
[And Jaskier knows to some extent, that doesn't make it better. If anything, that probably makes it hurt worse to Geralt that Yennefer can know all of that and still not seemingly trust him enough. But it's not about trusting Geralt or not.]
Despite how cruel and...utterly vindictive she can be, she's not doing this to hurt you, Geralt. [And that's as close as Jaskier can come to saying that it's not a lack of trust or faith in Geralt. He knows it's not his place to say what's Yennefer's reasons for avoiding him even to the smallest degree possible. He can really only offer that vague reassurance, which honestly isn't probably worth shit, but Jaskier has to try something here.] It's just that she doesn't need someone to fix her problems for her. [Never really has, honestly, but not the point right now.] She just needs someone to be patient with her. Just as she's asking you to be in her very roundabout, obnoxious Yennefer way.
So. You can either try to find it in you to have a bit of patience and not start taking on the responsibility of wrongdoing she hasn't thrown at your feet as of yet. Or... [He settles back down into a comfortable position on the bed as he continues,] You can keep up what you're doing now. You can grouse about her not talking to you and I'll remind you that it's Yennefer and why would she ever be so straightforward? And then you can say you know, but you wish she would, and I'll tell you that I agree. It's all very ridiculous and absurd, but that's Yennefer for you. And then you can start grousing about how it's unfair again and you just want to fix things, and then I'll remind once again that it's Yennefer, and— [He lifts his head from the pillow a moment, squinting a little at Geralt.] You see where I'm going with this, right? [Waving a hand, he settles back down and makes himself extra comfortable.] I'm happy to have this circular conversation as many times as you like, but I am having that nap first because I was tired before, but now I'm thoroughly exhausted. Gods, I don't know how you find someone so infuriating to be so appealing. Has your insomnia gotten so bad that she's the only solution? I pity you if that's the case, but if not, Geralt, there are far more pleasant ways to obtain sleep than that.
[Jaskier rolls over, putting his back to Geralt, waving his hand again.]
Well, in any case, you're welcome to join me if you're tired as well. If not, just keep your grumblings to a minimum, please.
I don't think she's doing this to hurt me. I doubt she's thinking of me at all. [Not that she can't be mad at him. She can be, though Jaskier might be right that she's gotten herself twisted over something unrelated.
He does suspect that her sudden silence has to do with him.
Be doesn't think that her intention is to hurt him, though. Oh, Yennefer can lash out, and he imagine's he'd know if it were that.]
She's protecting herself.
[He rolls his shoulders like he's shrugging off a coat or trying to shake off a cold rain.]
I'm done. Talking about it won't change anything. And you've heard enough.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
backdated to when yennefer started yennefering
[It's been a long while since Jaskier's done this.]
[It was infinitely more commonplace early on, decades ago when Jaskier was prone to finding prolonged silences with Geralt uncomfortable. Not that silence was ever all that often present with Jaskier around given the amount he spoke, moving from one topic to the next seamlessly as though each topic were so clearly related to whatever point it was he was trying to make originally. (Assuming, of course, there had ever really been a point.) But Jaskier's confidence back then had been not exactly disingenuous so much as he was well-aware just how unearned it was, making it feel a fragile thing. And silence? Oh, silence was a death knell to a bard! It always meant he wasn't funny or charming enough. He being the bard in question, of course. Not Jaskier. But the silence from Geralt had always been deafening, and he would say whatever stupid, foolish thing would come to mind to try and get some sort of response out of it.]
[Before long though, Jaskier got used to Geralt's silences and what minimal contributions he made to conversation. It stopped feeling as though Geralt weren't interested or (always) annoyed, but rather his tolerance of conversation became more apparent when he rarely told Jaskier to shut up. And even then, most of the time he was told to shut up was because Geralt was trying to hear something and make sure neither one of them ended up dead.]
[So, these silly questions really only ever came about when Jaskier couldn't sleep as a way to kill the time or at times like this when he could tell something was occupying Geralt's mind. Even as Jaskier was staring up at the ceiling of Geralt's room, pretending he could see familiar constellations instead, from where he's reclined on Geralt's bed, he can tell without even looking at him that the witcher is preoccupied. And he can hazard a guess what. But since that particular woman is probably not a topic of conversation Geralt would likely want to talk about. So, the other missing one in his life seems to Jaskier to be a far safer topic of conversation.]
[So, he asks his silly question as a little distraction and to hopefully bring Geralt back out of his head.]
no subject
Geralt is in a mood when Jaskier asks, throwing himself into the trivial tasks of maintaining his gear just to keep his hands busy. Oiling leather and cleaning tack doesn't do anything to keep him out of his head, though, and he's been... dwelling. A little. For lack of a better word.
On Yennefer, because who else could it be.
When Jaskier breaks the silence to ask that question, Geralt pauses his work and lifts his gaze slowly, looking at Jaskier with an expression of surprise and recognition. It's not Geralt's friendliest expression, though that's not actually Jaskier's fault.]
I imagine she'd ask for apples.
[Laconic. Horses aren't good conversationalists because of their dizzying intellect.]
no subject
No, she absolutely would not. Not unless you mistreat the poor thing. [Or especially if Jaskier wasn't around rather than any sort of mistreatment. Even if such bribes aren't necessary anymore, Jaskier can't really help himself. When caught, he always blames it on her big, sweet eyes or pretends the apple was going to go to waste after he realized he wasn't actually hungry after one bite.] She shouldn't have to ask for apples, Geralt.
[Shaking his head, Jaskier looks back up at the ceiling.]
No, I think she'd complain I don't mention her enough in my ballads. After all the tireless work she puts in and you get to steal all the glory... [He grins over at Geralt because he knows full well Geralt wouldn't mind it if Jaskier even once just spun it as though the horse were the hero. Even if the song would end up more ridiculous and over-the-top than some of Jaskier's more bombastic tunes about Geralt, it wouldn't be about him and that would be enough.] But that's just the ballads everyone else gets to hear. I've plenty of songs for dear Roach that's only for her and me to enjoy.
no subject
He pauses then, leveling Jaskier with a particularly skeptical look.]
You expect me to believe you sing songs about Roach when you're on your own?
[He does not, in fact believe it. He does think that Jaskier is trying to get on his good side by complimenting his horse, though.
There are worse tactics.
But the look he gives makes it very clear he doesn't believe Jaskier is humming about the color of Roach's eyes or mane when he's in the bath.]
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Is that doubt I'm hearing, good sir? [Jaskier's offense at the implicit accusation of lying is entirely feigned. One could almost say it's far too exaggerated to be realistic, but that's hardly the tell. Realistically, it's the lack of sputtering and Jaskier's continued decision to remain reclined, his motions with his hand languid as he speaks.] You would accuse me of all people to make a false claim over the nature of my work when you know there are none who value it near as much! Especially not in this room...
[He shakes his head a little.]
Geralt, Roach may be a very simple creature, but so are many of the subjects of my work. [Zing!] Why should she be an exception?
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[The jab is noted, and answered, but only as a placid correction. It's not worth a rise.
Though Jaskier's comment and the fact he started this conversation at all does raise some questions.
It doesn't seem like the sort of situation where he'd be bored, especially not with his... friends... back.]
But as far as making exceptions go, it's rare for you to write songs about anyone who isn't paying you, letting them in your bed, or earning your ire.
Roach has done nothing to deserve your temper.
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But are you saying she isn't deserving of an exception? Because I am absolutely telling her the next time I see her if that's the case. Then we'll see who she likes best. The very nice bard, [he says, gesturing to himself,] who sings pretty songs about her and braids beautiful flowers into her mane and gives her all her favorite apples, or the grumpy and often smelly witcher, [he says with a gesture in Geralt's direction,] who talks her poor, delicate ears off all the time when he's not constantly sitting on her back and making her lug things around.
It's alright, Geralt, [he says, rolling onto his back once more with a dismissive wave of his hand.] You can admit you're jealous that I'm Roach's favorite. There's no shame in it.
[With how little Geralt seemed to rise to the earlier bait, Jaskier doesn't anticipate him to rise to this one either. The man is near-impossible to rile up, after all. But having to decide whether or not to get into this back-and-forth with Jaskier is likely a lot better than dwelling on the thoughts that have driven him to spending an inordinate amount of time on maintaining his gear as of late. So, Jaskier's perfectly content to make himself a mildly irritating distraction.]
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Paying a little more attention to this and less to his own thoughts of Yennefer.
His mouth tightens briefly.
He lets the quiet stretch longer, his jaw tight, before finally he says:]
Let's hear it. Sing your songs about Roach.
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Fine, fine, fine, [he says, pushing himself to sit up.] You can have one song. But you had best not tell Roach or I'm going to be spending the last of all my coin on every apple on the Continent to make up for it.
[He says that very seriously and as though the mare would have a strong opinion one way or another, and he's not about to entertain any notion or suggestion from Geralt otherwise. Jaskier doesn't leave much room for argument anyway because true to his word, he gives Geralt a song about Roach.]
[Rapping his knuckles against the headboard behind him, Jaskier sets out a playful rhythm that mimics the sound of a bouncy trot. He personally thinks it would sound better layered with other instruments, but he is one person and that does place some limitations on any rendition of the song. Not that he thinks Geralt will particularly care. It probably wouldn't even occur to him that the song would sound better accompanied by more than just its percussive element even if that was the most important.]
[The song's words are nothing overly complicated. It's more on-par with a song meant to entertain children than a roomful of (likely very) drunk adults with its simplicity, but it's also quite clearly not a song that Jaskier spent a great deal of time tinkering with until he got it just right. It actually becomes quite clear how this song came into being fairly quickly once he starts to sing. He speaks of Roach's virtues as a horse, not aggrandizing or otherwise exaggerating her into some sort of magical, mythical being. She is still plainly very much just a horse. But it's not just that she is a good travel companion, obedient and loyal as much as a horse can be. Oh no. It's that she puts up with Geralt of Rivia that makes her the most incredible horse because at least Jaskier gets guaranteed breaks during the winter.]
[Geralt's part in the song is very short—because it is a song about Roach, thank you very much—but it's quite obvious when Jaskier wrote this, Geralt had likely done something to rile the bard up and brought about the song. And yet, it's nothing altogether mean-spirited. There isn't a bite behind the words with an intent to hurt or otherwise humiliate like the songs that came after Caingorn. What few lines there are about Geralt are only the sort someone could write out of fond annoyance. A gentle ribbing pointing out that Geralt is, in fact, just as irritating in his own way only instead of it being Jaskier that's annoyed with him, it's Roach.]
[And it's Roach who puts up with him anyway and remains so loyal and so obedient, as much as a horse can be. Hence, she is the unsung hero between the pair.]
[Jaskier caps the song off with a small dramatic flourish of using both his hands to rap on the headboard for the end.]
Well? [He grins at Geralt, visibly quite pleased with himself.] Should I ask for three words or less, or three nickers or less? Roach gave it a rave review the first time I sang it for her.
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[That's decidedly more than three words, isn't it? Geralt huffs a little. He can imagine easily the general timeline. It couldn't be too early in Jaskier and Geralt's association; it had taken the bard a while to work up to that level of flippant disrespect. It can't be too late, or else... well. It would be too late.
He's not stung, especially. But he does wonder vaguely what the incitement might have been.]
I assume Roach was your only audience.
[Jaskier has standards. Whatever Geralt might think about the fiction he makes out of real life, Jaskier wouldn't share something with an audience that didn't meet his standards.]
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Well, of course. It's always been just a song for her. Which is why you absolutely can never breathe a word to her about hearing it! I'm certain she'd be quite upset since that's always been our special song.
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[Roach was apparently the only one of them too good for this place. And in that, Geralt can't even say Hell is wrong. Roach is too good for it. Too good for him. She's only ever been a horse, and she's done everything a man can reasonably ask a horse to do.
There's no need to drag her into their nonsense.
In his heart, Geralt likes to believe she's above all of this. Finds all of their petty dramas both boring and confusing.]
What you tell her when I'm not there is between you and her.
[Glumly.]
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[Jaskier asks the question as though it was the most scandalizing thing he'd ever heard in his life. It, of course, was not. Not even by a long-shot with some of the rumors and whispers he's caught when drifting in and out of certain social circles. But he still treats it as the most surprising and incredulous thing. At least, for that briefest and barest of moments. Jaskier appears to recover quite quickly from it as he offers no space for Geralt to respond.]
You needn't worry, Geralt! [he says with a laugh, waving a dismissive hand as he adjusts back down into his previous position of reclining on the bed.] You are and shall forever remain my best friend! Your dear, beloved Roach has nary a hope of replacing you. Even if she does provide better conversation than you at times, I still prefer your company to hers.
[Jaskier rolls over onto his side to face Geralt again.]
Now, are you quite through fiddling with your gear? I am feeling quite exhausted after that song and there is no way I can possibly sleep with you making all that racket.
[Never mind that Geralt could probably tend to his gear so quietly not even a creature with hearing even sharper than Geralt's would likely find him at work. Also never mind that this isn't even Jaskier's room or bed, and if he were that determined for a nap, he could go elsewhere for it easily. But none of that is the point. It's even questionable how much Jaskier would like to nap because it is so far-removed from the point. The point is that whether Geralt ultimately chooses to grouse about Jaskier being difficult or not doesn't matter. It's that he has to consider it at all. Jaskier's goal of getting Geralt's mind off Yennefer for a little while simply has not changed.]
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[Geralt looks up from his gear, his expression half baffled and half irritated at the suggestion. Jealous? Of what? And who?
Why?
He shoves one knife back in its sheath with more force than strictly necessary as he drags his gaze back down to his equipment. With a grunt, he starts clearing the space.
Jealous. Roach wasn't even here.
Yennefer on the other hand...]
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[He frowns then, although not truly offended or actually speculating either way that Geralt is even remotely jealous. Jaskier's hardly ever known the man to be particularly possessive under most circumstances, never mind jealous. But if his huffy little putting away of his knife was any indication, the silly accusation of it is at least shaking him out of that silent brooding mood he's been trapped in.]
Don't tell me you're actually jealous of your horse favoring someone over you because, Geralt... [He shakes his head a little as he trails off.] You have got to start making more friends if you're more upset about a horse like that. I mean, it's one thing to talk to her as often as you do, it's another to be jealous like that.
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[Geralt's lip almost curled as he denied it again. Roach was a horse, and even if she weren't, jealousy isn't so much in Geralt's nature.
But other things are. Frustration is, and his frustration spills over into his tone and his expression. It knots his jaw. Not Roach, but another woman, one whose mood and attention have always been far more fickle.
Which isn't Jaskier's fault. If Yennefer prefers the bard's company to his own, then so be it.
No, it's not jealousy...]
I just wish if she's going to have a problem with me, she'd say something instead of leaving me to guess what I've done to offend her sensibilities or her ego this time.
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[Fucking fuck, he was not prepared for this conversation.]
[Unfortunately, Jaskier can't just worm his way out of the conversation by pretending to be suddenly very asleep. Not that that would work. Geralt can easily hear Jaskier's heartbeat and breathing and know immediately he wasn't really asleep.]
I don't suppose it's ever occurred to you that you haven't done anything, has it? [With a heavy sigh, Jaskier pushes himself upright, swinging his legs around to rest on the floor and sit more properly on the edge of the bed.] I mean, really, Geralt, it's Yennefer. She could look to the sky, find the shape of a cloud disagreeable and decide to make that a problem for the first person she sees.
[Well, not exactly and it's certainly not what's happening here, but Jaskier's broader point is that Yennefer has her own thoughts and reasons that don't always have a linear correlation or make much sense to anyone but herself. And he just hopes Geralt agrees with that point enough not to challenge it much if at all.]
You can trust her, Geralt. Trust the two of you.
[Jaskier pauses there a moment, fixing Geralt with a serious look. Much as he's about to bury the lede a bit by dressing it up in a semi-hyperbolic, semi-realistic portrayal of their patterns that there's really little hope of having it truly replicate when the time comes, Jaskier still wants to emphasize that Geralt's not misplacing his trust. He'd like to think that might ease Geralt's mind a little, but it's probably just as much of a long shot as having Jaskier's words now soften the blow later.]
When she's in a mood and ready, I'm sure she'll give you a litany of things you need to improve upon and you'll get all defensive and go on about how she doesn't let you in or help and then she'll protest she doesn't need help and then once things are heated enough, you two will,— Ah, talk, and that will be that. [He waves a hand dismissively, treating it as though it were all so predictable if not outright boring.] Just like always. And then in a handful of months, we'll be right here again with you stewing and brooding over how difficult she's being and she'll find some new reason to be cross with you, and thus, the cycle repeats itself anew.
And I will continually ask if you're absolutely certain if a really strong bump on the head isn't the explanation for why you keep eagerly jumping straight into this cycle in the first place.
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[In some ways, it is simple. Or at the very least, it is predictable. Yennefer can be volatile, and while Geralt usually isn't, she has a way of pulling that side out of him more. It doesn't take a master of the human condition to know that the two of them will cause sparks periodically.
Still.]
It's different. Yennefer always has her reasons, even if they're usually shit reasons.
[Is that fair? Probably not. He knows it when he says it. He knew it before he said it.]
At least if she'd tell me, there might be something I could do about it.
[Shit reason or no.]
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Ah! See? [Jaskier says, pointing a finger at Geralt with a grin.] She's not even here telling you whatever absurd thing you did wrong by her measure and you're already grousing about how she doesn't let you help.
[With a wave of his hand, Jaskier drops it back down into his lap and folds his hands together. His smile fades into something quieter and a little more serious as well.]
Unfortunately for you though, Geralt, you love someone who, while quite adept at putting herself into positions wherein she's distressed, doesn't do the other bit of damsel-in-distress all that well. [Jaskier doesn't say it as though that's the right thing for Yennefer to be doing any more than his tone would suggest Geralt needs to let it go and learn to accept it. It's an observation. Nothing more, nothing less. His smile turns a bit wry as he glances away from Geralt.] But you know, it does remind me of something I heard a long time ago. The details escape me now, but I seem to recall a certain witcher claiming he never wanted to need anyone. Or anyone to need him.
[Jaskier lifts his gaze back to Geralt.]
Seems it just takes a bit of time and the right person, doesn't it? [One corner of his mouth lifts, widening his smile to try and keep it from becoming brittle.] I'd say she's got the latter. She just needs a bit more of the former.
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But that doesn't make it right.
It also doesn't mean Geralt likes hearing it. He licks his teeth, sitting in his feelings for what seems like a long moment in the way someone might sit in wet clothes after coming out of the rain—somewhat aware that his discomfort is his own choice.]
She could ask for time herself, if it's what she needs. She could at least tell me.
[He's not done with grumbling yet, apparently.]
Instead of letting us try to read her mind.
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Well then, perhaps you could try thinking of this as her telling you she needs time. You know, just in her own Yennefer-y way instead of talking it out like a normal person because if she ever did anything simple or straightforward, that would be the time to panic for all of us because surely life as we know it is coming to an abrupt end soon thereafter.
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He doesn't exactly have the moral high ground in this—a fact which didn't particularly bother him until he had to verbalize the problem. Out loud, it sounded more petty than it had in his head.
He's not entirely above it, but he doesn't relish the sensation either.]
I don't expect her to talk it out.
[How many problems does talking actually solve anyway? Not maybe in Geralt's experience.
That may be a biased sample, though.]
Just to let me know what she wants.
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Gods, you are in a sulk, aren't you? [He huffs another laugh as he looks down. Jaskier sighs then, moistening his lips a moment before looking back up at his friend, his expression not unkind but certainly more serious. His tone is gentle as it often is when Jaskier is offering and extending his advice, but there's also something firmer about it than Geralt is likely used to hearing.] Look, Geralt. I know you love her more than you love anyone else. And that's why you're sitting here stewing in it. And I know it's tying you up in knots because you want to make it right. You're willing to do whatever it takes to protect her and do right by her. And she knows that, Geralt. She knows all of that.
[And Jaskier knows to some extent, that doesn't make it better. If anything, that probably makes it hurt worse to Geralt that Yennefer can know all of that and still not seemingly trust him enough. But it's not about trusting Geralt or not.]
Despite how cruel and...utterly vindictive she can be, she's not doing this to hurt you, Geralt. [And that's as close as Jaskier can come to saying that it's not a lack of trust or faith in Geralt. He knows it's not his place to say what's Yennefer's reasons for avoiding him even to the smallest degree possible. He can really only offer that vague reassurance, which honestly isn't probably worth shit, but Jaskier has to try something here.] It's just that she doesn't need someone to fix her problems for her. [Never really has, honestly, but not the point right now.] She just needs someone to be patient with her. Just as she's asking you to be in her very roundabout, obnoxious Yennefer way.
So. You can either try to find it in you to have a bit of patience and not start taking on the responsibility of wrongdoing she hasn't thrown at your feet as of yet. Or... [He settles back down into a comfortable position on the bed as he continues,] You can keep up what you're doing now. You can grouse about her not talking to you and I'll remind you that it's Yennefer and why would she ever be so straightforward? And then you can say you know, but you wish she would, and I'll tell you that I agree. It's all very ridiculous and absurd, but that's Yennefer for you. And then you can start grousing about how it's unfair again and you just want to fix things, and then I'll remind once again that it's Yennefer, and— [He lifts his head from the pillow a moment, squinting a little at Geralt.] You see where I'm going with this, right? [Waving a hand, he settles back down and makes himself extra comfortable.] I'm happy to have this circular conversation as many times as you like, but I am having that nap first because I was tired before, but now I'm thoroughly exhausted. Gods, I don't know how you find someone so infuriating to be so appealing. Has your insomnia gotten so bad that she's the only solution? I pity you if that's the case, but if not, Geralt, there are far more pleasant ways to obtain sleep than that.
[Jaskier rolls over, putting his back to Geralt, waving his hand again.]
Well, in any case, you're welcome to join me if you're tired as well. If not, just keep your grumblings to a minimum, please.
Wrapping this up?
He does suspect that her sudden silence has to do with him.
Be doesn't think that her intention is to hurt him, though. Oh, Yennefer can lash out, and he imagine's he'd know if it were that.]
She's protecting herself.
[He rolls his shoulders like he's shrugging off a coat or trying to shake off a cold rain.]
I'm done. Talking about it won't change anything. And you've heard enough.
...Get some sleep.